"I told you the reasons. I hope you shoot faster than you think." Ronan reached into one of his pockets. He felt the shape of the pill with his fingers.

He should have popped it in his mouth already. Brought something back. But the pill itself conjured too many memories-- his own fault. He should have thought of something that didn't remind him of Kavinsky and his brother shoved into the trunk of a white Mitsubishi. But then, he'd had the chance to dream a creature already. Instead he just made a damn sleeping pill.

The "damage" that he'd never said but every action shouted, was that he simply didn't trust. Don't tell anyone, his father said.

So he removed his hand from his pocket. It was there if he needed it. If that time came, he'd take the chance.

Chainsaw ruffled her feathers and shoved his head at his ear. Ronan stood. He paused, waiting to hear something but knowing his friend wasn't here to say it.

"Fuck you, Gansey," he muttered. Then, "excelsior."

Chainsaw flew away before Ronan moved.